The New Statesman

This show has now closed, click here for a listing of current and future London shows

Opened 13 December 2006, closed 27 January 2007 at the Trafalgar Studios 1 in London

The New Statesman - Alan B'Stard's Extremely Secret Weapon

The New Statesman is back and live on stage! Rik Mayall recreates his role as the ultra-Right wing Tory 'Alan B'Stard' - made (in)famous through the popular comedy television series The New Stateman which was broadcast from 1987 to 1992. Now for this special stage show version of The New Statesman - Alan B'Stard's Extremely Secret Weapon - and written by the original TV writers Laurence Marks and Maurice Gran - Alan B'Stard has cynically reinvented himself as a Blairite.

"Brings the house down! Rude, crude - a real hoot" The Daily Telegraph

Parliament is in session and one of the shining stars of the New Labour cabinet takes his seat in the House. Meet Alan B'stard, impeccably pin-striped, nose aloft, stalking the corridors of power leaving a trail of devastation in his wake. Despite having a country to run, and regardless of who's in Number 10, Alan B'Stard is only reallly concerned with joining The Trillionaires Club, and he doesn't care how he gets the membership fee! This exclusive club boasts eight shadowy figures who own most of the world's oil (three yanks, two Arabs, an Indian, a Russian and that guy who invented milk cartons). Condoleezza Rice has the key, but will she allow Alan B'Stard access all areas?

"Rik Mayall is brilliant" The Sun

Rik Mayall's hilarious comedy creation is brought bang up to date in this brand new production. Laurence Marks and Maurice Gran, writers of the original hit TV series, have created a side-splitting funny script that is constantly updated to keep pace with the ever-changing and often scandalous world we live in.

"A win for Labour Nouveau. Rik Mayall gets my vote" The London Evening Standard

A message from Alan B'Stard: "Greetings from Alan B'Stard MP - the man every man wants to be and the man every woman wants to sleep with, though there's not much sleeping when Alan B'Stard's in town! And I am in town this Christmas and for a very good, theatrical reason too. Throughout history important people have had plays written about them - Richard III, Hamlet, Abba. Now at last they've written a play about me, Alan B'Stard, the man who invented New Labour. It's called The New Statesman - Alan Bastard's Extremely Secret Weapon, and it's playing at my own personal theatre, the Trafalgar Studios in Whitehall, so close to Downing Street that even John Prescott can get there under his own steam - well, that, and a large industrial winch, and a low loader. Obviously I will be far too busy to appear, so I've engaged the world's greatest actor and matinee idol, Mr Rik Mayall to star in The New Statesman which has been internationally acclaimed as western civilisation's greatest cultural achievement ever. That's why you are so lucky that I'm telling you that my fabulous new West End play about me, The New Statesman - Alan B'Stard's Extremely Secret Weapon is available to book now, for just seven weeks from December 13. - Alan B'Stard - Nouveau Labout, Nouveau Riche."

"Rik Mayall's star power ensures pure apolitical pleasures" The Times

Rik Mayall on playing the role of 'Alan B'Stard' in this stage version of The New Stateman: "Laurence Marks and Maurice Gran's script came out of the blue. I was thrilled, because I see the theatre as the last bastion of free speech. Nowadays the BBC is just a mouthpiece for the government: it wouldn't allow three-quarters of the jokes in the play to be made on television."